Contrary to what people who know me would say, I’m actually pretty shy. Especially when I don’t know a lot of people, or I’m not comfortable with the topic at hand. I tend to get VERY self conscious and hyper aware of everything. It’s odd, but the way I get over the fear is by being outgoing and loud. But, I don’t go up to people and introduce myself.
I often wonder what kind of kid Claire’s going to grow up as. Will she be outgoing like her dad? Will she be shy to over compensate for how crazy we are? Will she be involved in high school like JR and I were, or will she want to get out of high school as soon as possible? Who will she be?
I can’t wait until Claire starts to talk. I can’t wait to HEAR her voice, and what she comes up with. I imagine she’ll have a cute, girly voice. It’ll be high pitched, and….well….girly. I want her to be able to say anything she wants without fear of being ridiculed. I want her to never know the pain of not being included. I want her to NEVER feel pain.
When I read this, I heard Emme’s voice in my head. No, I’ve never met her. But, I can hear a little girl’s voice in my head. Maybe that’s why it broke my heart so much. I read it late this afternoon, and I still can’t get it out of my head. I’ve been thinking about it all day. I’m not sure why. It’s the “Please” that I hear in my head. And the “Hello? Hello?” Everytime I think about it, my chest gets tight.
I don’t know why.